I got her a Nickelback box set.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
