If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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