i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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