Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
