Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
