I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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