I feel like abortions should bother me more
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
