his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
