i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
