Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
