Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
