Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
