I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drake has all the answers
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
