I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
