I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
