I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
