soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
