Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
