...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My balls are so social today.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
