this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
