I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
