girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i think i just lost a toe
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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