he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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