i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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