And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do herpes really smell.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
