shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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