he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I will be naked everywhere
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize