wanna go halves on a baby?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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