I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
