He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
