I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
