god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
