there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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