Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
