I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize