I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
