What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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