I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
