well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
