Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
