I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
