Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
