I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
