U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
