YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you win again, gameday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
