I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
