How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize