So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
