the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
