I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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