somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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