I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
