maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
