found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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