so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
