just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
