i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
