Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
