Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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