hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
