Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
