Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
