i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
