can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
