I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
