So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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