hotel room ftw
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
