How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
