My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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