theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
