38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
