It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
