And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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