my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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