How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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