No stitches, just platelets and will power
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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