Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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