Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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